A viral question has been circulating on social media asking if women would prefer to be alone in the woods with a bear or a man? Most of the women interviewed chose the bear. They said then they would know exactly what dangers the bear represents, and if they were the victim of violence by the bear, they would not be blamed for it the way they would if a man hurt them.
Many men are not happy to see this response. But in reality, women have a difficult life due to men’s violence. The statistics are startling and likely are under-reported. As per the World Health Organisation, across their lifetime, one in three women, or around 736 million, are subjected to physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence from a non-partner. And if you dig deep and look at India’s voluntary reporting on gender equality I.e. Sustainable Development Goal number 5, the sex ratio at birth is 896 female births to every 1000 male births, meaning there is femicide. Just being a woman feels like a risk.
I believe that much of these statistics are due to patriarchal norms that prioritise males over females and give them a much more exalted status in society. From birth to death, women and girls face many forms of discrimination, abuse and violence which prevent them from fully living their constitutional rights and exploring their potential. For instance, leadership of women in state legislative assemblies is only 14% and there are 35% of startup directors are women. The World Economic Forum states that gender parity is 131 years away. Yet it is also a fact that gender equality benefits everyone. For instance, with more women in the workforce, India can add USD 770 billion to its GDP.
It is high time men take up the responsibility to correct this inequality and challenge the status quo. It is the right thing to do, and they can support the argument that #NotAllMen are perpetrators of violence.
So, how can they make the change happen? There are many ways, but most importantly, men can re-examine their relationships with women and girls, recognise their privilege and share their power.
Men as fathers can treat their daughters equal to their sons, teach them to be financially literate, encourage them to take up sports and nurture their ability to take risks. My father ensured that my siblings and I had our own bank accounts from the age of 10 and learned to operate it independently. He also sent me on my first solo international flight at the age of 14 and since then I have travelled extensively to over 70 countries. I credit him for helping me become confident and independent.
Men as sons should recognise the contribution of their mothers in their nurturing and the investment in their care and wellbeing during their formative years. Most often the mother has given up her dreams, career aspirations and other opportunities to care for their children. Don’t only celebrate her during Mother’s Day but make it a point to ask her how you could support her in achieving her dreams. Maybe she might want to take a solo trip, start a business or just relax. You owe it to her to decide for herself and support her whenever needed.
Men as brothers should not expect to be treated differently from their sisters. They can stand up for their sisters and challenge their parents to think differently. They should contribute to household chores and share the care work. This will help free up their sisters to pursue other activities. And it can help them not feel threatened by strong independent women or be dependent on the women in the house just like my brother never was. Be there for your sister should she need someone to lean on and believe her if she shares experiences of discrimination and abuse.
Men as husbands should invest in caring for their children and partnering with their spouses. Marriage is not slavery but an equal partnership. Even with the generous parental leave that Sweden offers, men take fewer family leaves than women, and their country is the exception for encouraging parental leave. Within companies, men can advocate for leave and leaders at the top should take leave to show parent employees don’t have to feel guilty about their parenthood. Women spend more time on unpaid care work which can easily be redistributed to husbands.
Men as employers can be sponsors, mentors and coaches encouraging more women to be hired, promoted and create an environment to excel at work. They can create safe spaces for women to work and share some of the power so that everyone can have their moment in the spotlight. President Barack Obama realised that the women on his team were being shut down regularly and he made sure they had the space to express their opinion.
Men as colleagues can be supportive of female colleagues, recognise that women’s health requirements are different from men, be better allies in situations of intimidation, bullying and harassment and not feel threatened by ambitious and assertive female behaviour.
Men as friends should understand consent and respect boundaries. No means no and it does not have to be personal. Stop indulging in locker room talk as it perpetuates minimising women. Listen actively and do not judge or normalise harmful gender norms / stereotypes. This can be harmful for men too as it puts undue pressure to meet societal expectations. It is fine to express emotions and it is not just the women who are allowed to.
Men as humans are important to women. But strong relationships cannot happen if there is fear, inequality and violence. I do not believe that women would actually prefer being in the company of a bear rather than a man if the man was caring, respectful and treated her with dignity.
Unfortunately, nothing will change unless men change. They must take on more of the responsibility to challenge the status quo. This Father’s Day we would like to encourage men to embrace their relationships with women and and create a world that is gender equal and livable for all.
